I’ve been a little MIA lately and there’s multiple explanations for that, but I won’t bother you with the details. I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, mostly of my own accord but it still seems inescapable. I find I’m constantly reminding myself to do better, to be better and all I can do is try and keep up with everything.. My list feels never ending: homework, my part-time job, volunteering, applying for teacher’s college, maintaining my relationships and most importantly maintaining myself. I pride myself in multi-tasking and being on top of everything because I consider myself a “doer”. There aren’t a lot of days where I sit down and admit defeat. But today was one of those days.. All I could picture in my mind today was a tiny version of myself climbing a mountain and instead of getting closer with each step, I keep being pushed backwards.
I’m the type of person who doesn’t let things get to me, the type who tries to see the bright side and I try to avoid showing all or any signs of weakness. Today was different. I let my guard down and it wasn’t that I finally accepted I can’t do everything on my own but all of a sudden everything just seemed so much darker than it was at the beginning of the day. The light in my tunnel seems to be getting more dim with each passing hour and all I need to do is just get to the end before I’m lost in the dark..
Today was a hard day- two steps forward and a mile back. But I made it. If that’s any consolation, I made it. I may not have gotten done what I intended, and I may have spent a better part of it feeling sorry for myself and crying like a schmuck- but I survived. If I can learn anything from today, it’s that I can make it, and I will.